Shame and ADHD
Shame is an emotion that crops up in EFT sessions a LOT.
Unfortunately it is in no way in service of our best life or our highest self.
Shame corrupts our ability to do our work, live well and feel good in our bodies and minds. I would describe it as a nefarious spirit that subcontracts the labor of putting you down while reclining in a deckchair. It’s actually really rude.
I am finding a consensus among late-diagnosed AHDH clients who are all too familiar with this notion.
Some have described shame as a ‘constant passenger’ that has accompanied them their whole life, connected to their earliest memories, more often than not in a school setting.
There is no place quite like that classroom for unfavourable comparisons, is there?
These clients almost don’t notice the presence of shame anymore because it’s so familiar.
A technique I have found works really well in clearing the iron grasp of this inner monologue is the personification of shame - it helps to seperate its voice from our own.
And for the visual types, I usually pull up the image of The Shame Wizard from Netflix’s hit show Big Mouth, a cartoon series depicting the joys, perils and everything in between in the journey of adolescence. (The blueprints of which still live within us.)
The Shame Wizard is voiced by the brilliant David Thewlis and terrorizes most of the pre-teen cast who feel entirely alone and powerless in dealing with him.
It is not until they realise that he has visited (and taunted) them all in their worst moments that they find the power to resist his evil siren song and stand up for themselves.
Jessie and The Shame Wizard in Netflix series Big Mouth
I have had one client describe shame as their ‘ill-intentioned forever friend’, which is such a powerful revelation, but also a sad one. I am of the opinion that a friend who seeks to undermine us is no friend at all. And if the client agrees, it is best to invite shame to leave the party, never to return.
SIDENOTE: Can you imagine what type of beautiful relationships this client will be able to attract into their life once they no longer connect such emotions to love?
The good news is, EFT has the ability to serve the ‘vacate’ notice to shame by for example clearing the charge of potent memories where we were made to feel ashamed of ourselves for thinking differently or going about something in a way unlike others or not being as organised and on top of things as we could be etc.
It is these core memories that uphold the limiting beliefs we think about ourselves such as
‘I am unworthy’,
‘I’m misunderstood’,
‘I don’t fit in’
‘I’m not good enough’
‘I’m stuck this way no matter what I do’
and any other ‘I’ statement that feels like the gospel truth, when in fact it is just a conclusion we have drawn about ourselves based on negative experiences or unkind words from a person, authority figure or a family member.
If you are resonating with this, there’s a good chance your mind and nervous system could benefit from some EFT nourishment and I am here in service of you.
Your shame-banishing buddy awaits.
